Supermarkets- are you taking the P**s?!

Let’s begin today’s post with a brief caviate shall we:

Call me a revolutionary but it is my deeply held belief that if you make the decision to have children, it is your responsibility, until you draw your last breath, to love them, embarrass them and to look after them to the best of your ability.

It isn’t the job of shops and hotels and restaurants to cater for them, it is yours. That might mean packing the kitchen sink for the first 5 years of your offspring’s life and walking with a dowegers hump for the remainder of it as a result but hey, at least you’ll never be caught short.

However, no one is perfect and accidents happen – as happened to me today…My little little who is both heart meltingly gorgeous and a whole heap of attitude, did a wee in a popular local supermarket (whose name ends with burys!)  just as I was struggling with one of those stoooooopid “don’t talk to an actual human” machines which was gleefully telling me that there was or wasn’t an unexpected item in the bloody bagging area.

I looked around for some help and asked the closest assistant if she had something that I could wipe it up with; her response?  I would need to buy some wipes.

WHAT?! 

Ain’t Mums Brilliant.

One of the things I love most about being a mum is meeting other mums. I have made a brilliant group of friends through mum and baby groups and it is so important to be able to wipe your childs nose with your own sleeve in company knowing you won’t be judged (you might even be offered an actual wipe!) and we’ve probably all had a little whinge with another mum on a particularly off day. Yep, my mum mates are brilliant.

Clearly not every mum you meet is going to become your BFF, not everyone is going to be your cup of tea; Just because two people have popped out a sprog in the same postal code around the same date does not mean they are soul sisters, kindred spirits and destined to be BFF’s. In fact, some women are criminally judgemental of others and the way they chose to parent their children it makes my blood boil. Take the breast feeding mafia as an example

Monday Menu.

Evening all, what are you like in relation to meal planning? Is it something you do or are you more of a see what we’ve got kind of gal throwing fish fingers and beans on to the table more than is strictly acceptable?! I am probably a healthy mix of the two though with school to think about in September  (brief pause for a WGAAAAT moment) I could certainly use a bit more of a plan…

Don’t get me wrong, I’m in awe of the parent that spends an age turning a plate into a tiny version of the Mona Lisa but that simply ain’t gonna fly in this gaff. Our weeks are manic and time is precious so I reckon we need to plan our meals so I know we’re not going to end up morbidly obese, diagnosed with rickets or chained to the cooker.

Equally, I want the girls to know about the food on their plate and enjoy what they’re eating so we try to involve them in the shopping, the prep and the cooking of as many meals as we can; today that meal was one of my own creating…watch out Delia, I’m snapping at your heels!

Readers, I give you Kale, Cauli and Chorizo cheese.

Few things in life are more satisfying than knocking up a lump free cheese sauce and now I know how it is pimps. This recipe can be a whole meal or a side dish depending on the mood and who you’re feeding. It’s not lobster bisque but it will get a healthy dose of veg, leafy greens and calcium into the kids!

Here’s what you need:

40g margarine or butter

40g plain flour

1pt milk

1/2 pt water (that you used to steam the veg)

40g mild cheddar

40g medium cheddar (feel free to go as strong as you fancy and think the kids will cope with)

1 head of cauliflower

1 bag of Curly Kale

Chorizo (around 7cm but obviously 0cm if you’re a veggie and more if you’re a meat fiend)

Here’s what you do:

Chop up the cauliflower into largish florets and place in a steamer. Don’t over cook- it needs to retain its shape and actually need to be bitten.

Put the Kale in a collendar to wilt for a few minutes when the cauli is almost done then remove from the heat and drain reserving the water.

Melt the marg gently in a pan and then add in the flour. Stir continuously until it forms a paste (roux perhaps?!) allow to cook out for a while to get rid of the taste of flour and then slowly- slowly add the milk and continue to stir.

Allow yourself a smug smile if this results in a smooth and silky sauce base and console yourself in the knowledge that it is being poured over veg which will disguise it if not.

Add in the cheese, stir stir stir and then add in as much of the water as you need (again little by little) until you have the flavour and constancy you’d like.

I don’t add in salt or pepper but if you feel it needs it you’re welcome to.

Heat a frying pan and add the Chorizo when hot just to colour and crisp a little.

‘Arrange’ the cauliflower and Kale in an earthenware dish, pour over the cheese sauce and scatter the Chorizo on top.

You can either then simply put under the grill for a few minutes to brown or you can wait until it has completely cooled and then put in the freezer for a quick midweek meal. When you need it defrost thoroughly and cook for 20 minutes on 180°c.

Kale, Cauli, Chorizo and Cheese. #yummy

Voilà, Muma Learys Monday Menu! Forgive the photography…you can’t be both Delia Smith and David Bailey 😉

Pimps!

Lots of love,

Muma.

XxxxX

I’m linking up with Honest Mum’s Tasty Tuesday Linky…pop over to see what other treats you can try.

When the nightmares come…

Sometimes for absolutely no discernible reason, the little voices in your head decide to turn up the volume and tell you in no uncertain terms what they think of you. They tell you that you’re useless- a rubbish wife, a dreadful mum, a second rate mate and an excuse for an off-spring.

They whisper in your ear that people think you’re an up yourself idiot for writing a blog, they think you’re a loser for having a jobs history longer than War and Peace and they remind you that whilst your friends and your family and everyone has something to offer you, you have nothing- nothing to give to them and you are frankly, a useless, needy, worthless idiot that ought to just shut up and fuck off.

Urgh, they are dark, dark moments when they come- seemingly from nowhere, to tap you on the shoulder, smack you in the mouth and leave you winded and in a heap of tears on the cold of the bathroom floor at 4am.

These moods and these times have punctuated my life since I was a teenager so I am now far, far better equipped to deal with them and, as I have opened up/slash bored people to tears on this topic previously I find that people have been more open with me so I know I’m not on my own which is as nice as it is nasty in a way.

One of my biggest fears about my weird and sometime malfunctioning brain is that it will have a negative impact on my babies or, worse, that they will experience the tap on the shoulder too. That would be pretty tough to take. However, in the interests of proving that I didn’t strap all the time and money I spent on counselling to a firework, I think I would be able to offer them if not words of wisdom, then at least some empathy, lots of love and a cup of tea.

Here’s my tool kit for the dark times:

1) Write- When my brain is overflowing with thoughts, there is no hope of sleep and I can’t clean the house for fear of dropping a pan or waking the family, writing has been my saviour. Getting everything down on to the page to be chucked or re-read when your mind is less mangled is cathartic. Emotionally draining but cathartic.

2) Talk- To thin air, to a counsellor, to the Samaritans, to God (who ever yours might be) or to someone you know. Expressing the way you feel and haring things out loud can put a totally different spin on things and they can help you see things from a different light.

3) Do- Thinking is an absolute bastard and sometimes the very best thing is to simply do something that requires your attention or will take a little piece of your brain somewhere else for a while at least. A long time ago when I was pretty bloody low, my lovely mum quite literally got me out of bed everyday and took me swimming. Every. Single. Day. It really, truly helped.

4) Be Kind- Caitlin Moran writes brilliantly about this in the July edition of Red. I am not quite as articulate or funny as she is which is doubtless why she is a famous writer and I am not (yet) but, the basic premise of the article is to treat yourself as you would a pet- with love and kindness. Give yourself walks and good food and a nice tickle on the tum (or similar). I have searched for the article on line but alas can not find it. Find it and read it though- it is perfect and utterly true.

5) Keep hold of these truths- This WILL pass. The darkness will lift and in the meanwhile you are not alone.

(Plus this is a genuinely funny picture!!!)

With lots of love,

Muma.

XxxxX