Today has been a day for looking backwards, for contemplation and gratitude. A day of milestones and memories.
Ten years ago today I was living in London teaching in a massive and multi cultural secondary school spitting distance from Canary Wharf. News of the terror attacks came in dribs and drabs- no one quite knew what was going on and the school was put on lockdown.
Kids of all faiths and backgrounds were frightened and confused and we, the adults had no words to explain what had happened and why. I was and remain, unable to comprehend, let alone explain, the senseless acts of the few that shattered the lives of so many.
Fast forward a decade and life is unrecognisable.
I am mother to two gorgeous girls that I can no longer call my babies.
Today we said “Good Bye” to the mother and baby group we have been attending since we arrived home over 2 1/2 years ago. In September the big little is off to (pre-school). Sure, me and the little little can still go to Toast Tuesday but it won’t be the same.
We’re the Three Musketeers- Tuesday is our special day.
I wasn’t prepared for how big a deal this would be for me.
I’m realise now how quickly time is passing and I’m just not ready to let my baby girl go.
I’m not sure if the magnitude of the date made the day feel more poignant but never the less, as I watched my beautiful babies play and eat and sing together with their friends I felt them slipping away from me a little.
I wanted to capture the moment, to hold it in my hands and never, never lose the image of my first born smiling so much she could barely sing her last rendition of ‘Ten Little Fingers’.
Never agin will you race your sister from the car to be the winnest at the door.
No more will we snuggle up and read on the Dalmatian cushion (when we can do that any time at home!!)
No more gluing and sticking and creating weekly master pieces that I tactfully sent to Grandmas house or posted down to Nanny and Grandad.
No more sipping your water and chomping your toast all the while hoping it was someone’s birthday so you’d get a cheeky bit of cake.
Today instead of checking my watch I wanted song time to go on and on- the sleeping bunnies, the wheels on the bus, the row row the boat- I wanted them all.
It felt like you knew. You sang and danced and smiled with extra gusto today, you wrang every bit of joy out of the session as you could and when you were asked why you wouldn’t be back in September you were so proud to confirm you are a big girl and will be off to school.
I know that you are so ready to go; I am so very, very proud of the kind, caring, funny, clever and polite little girl you are becoming but it is just happening so fast. I just need to catch up so give me the summer to get on your page- there’s a lot for me to process…
I am so not ready to leave this beautiful stage just yet. Let me cherish it a little while longer….the two months of Summer are going to be pretty special….
I love you, until the seas run dry…and that will never happen.
PS- I have no idea how your sister is going to take it when she realises she’s not going to school with you…eeek!!