Mumaleary's Blog

Cheaper than therapy

Mummy Guilt.

on July 24, 2014

I’m sorry to be a bit of a one topic pony at the moment what with all this talk of coding and YRS and everything but, I can only write about what is going on for me or for us as a family without sounding like a sort of contrived sort of weirdo and, frankly at the moment it is mainly work.

This is THE busiest time of year for Young Rewired State. We are all getting ready for the Festival of Code and, because I am Project Manager for the iDEA Awards as well it is definitely a full on month all things considered.
A perfect time then for my big little to begin feeling super sensitive about me leaving her.
What with the golf and the lurgy and the long hours and life in general, I’ve felt that she’s been a little bit sad recently. Lacking a little bit of her usual vim, vigour and general va va voom.
I asked her why this was, I wasn’t quite prepared for the response…

It makes me sad when you go to work.

Oh my good lord. A dagger to my heart.
On the plus side, pretty articulate for a 2 year old! You win some, you lose some hey.

Wow, so this is it. This is what people meant by mummy guilt. Holy Cow, it feels pretty dreadful.

Imagine, if you will looking at the cutest trembling lip in the world and knowing you caused that. T’riffic. I am sure most of you don’t need to imagine but please tell me it doesn’t last forever?!

Well, since I am not going to be giving up my job any time soon I need to think of a way around this.
A way to tell my babies that, whilst I adore them, work is a way of life for most mummies and daddies.
It is a way to make sure they can have the food that they like and the clothes that they need and the home that they live in and play in and cause untold havoc in!
It is also a way to prove that when I leave I will always come back and coincidentally I will be absolutely thrilled to see them and we will treasure each other’s company more because absence really does make the heart grow fonder, I tell myself!

In the wee small hours of the morning when the big little woke up and cried for me we talked about work and I allowed my foolish brain to think that she’d got it. So it was even more devastating the following morning when I told her it was a work day for mummy.
They both cried when I dropped them off at nursery and guess what, so did I.
The lovely ladies from nursery called me to see how I was. Big fat tears streamed down my face all the way home, not a good look. For goodness sake woman, hold it together hey!!
A good cry, a cuppa and a hug from my Muma and I felt much better, you’re never too old for that are you.

So, to ease these stormy waters, I am trying to do two things.

1) Make a chart so we can all see who is doing what and why. This is a great idea in theory but, because it’s the holidays everything is all over the shop. No baby groups, no toddler groups- our routine is out the window, down the street and round the bend. Roll on September I say!!
I am doing a chart a week at the moment but if it helps I am all for it.

2) If it’s a non work day, it’s a non work day.
Leave your laptop or tablet or mobile or whatever alone. Give your time to your babies and do something, anything, Together.
Do not try to do a gazzillion things at once; focusing on the most important people in your life is the priority here (whilst you make a game out of the washing and the food shop!)

It seems to be working as I asked her what tomorrow is on the way home from nursery today and she shouted at the top of her voice

It’s a Mummy Day!!!

It feels nice to be wanted. 🙂

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I guess, in the words of Mr Williams, you’ve got to get high so you can taste the lows.

Have you got any tips for the whole work/babies balance…I could use some more suggestions to keep up my sleeve…

Happy almost weekend people. We’re off to see The Giants tomorrow despite the fact I have no idea what they’re all about and Liverpool will probably be rammed!

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Have a good one and, if you’re doing the Race for Life on Sunday in Birkenhead keep your eyes peeled for me and mine. It’s a family affair so we’ll be pretty hard to miss.

Loads of love,

Muma.

XxxxX

PS- if you’re suffering from Mummy Guilt, enter my Lollibop competition to win a fab family day out at the kids festival.

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One response to “Mummy Guilt.

  1. Mulqueeny says:

    Sadly it does not go away, Tan, but the daggers to the hear become more of a gentle disappointment in yourself that you are not able to be 100% there for your children 24/7. However! I do remember a certain childless, not yet Mrs Leary admonishing me a few years ago for not setting my children a good example when I was in a great job w a tonne of money and lots of time and little stress – you said to me it was such an important thing for children to understand about work and life. You were right. I bucked up. Now they know. But my tips (to add to yours and defo to endorse the second about days off) are:

    1. Take moments in work days to really chat to them (why my school runs are precious and I will never give them up)

    2. Cook for them every day and have them with you whilst you cook. Cooking is a great way to destress the list: get ingredients. Create a meal. They eat it. Load dishwasher. Done. That’s a whole thing completed. Lots to tick off the list and you have put good food inside your kids. Spent good mummy time with them. Cooking calms me and keeps me sane. I know it sounds nuts. But try it with that in mind and see if it works?

    Love you xxx

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