Mumaleary's Blog

Cheaper than therapy

How not to go insane in hospital.

on July 31, 2013

Evening all,

Firstly, Thanks so much for all of your comments and get well wishes for Baba A. I really really appreciate them. 🙂 she is on the mend I reckon. Slowly slowly but I can see we are moving in the right direction. Today we even made it to the playroom so that is progress. 🙂

However, I’m not going to lie to you, hospital life can be pretty darn dull and days can be pretty freaking long.

Once you’ve heard about the water works issues of the other inmates patients and even seen a diagram, seriously, do I have a sign on my head?!, have exhausted the limited DVD selection and the playroom has closed for the day, you need to find something to occupy your mind lest you should go utterly stir crazy which is, generally speaking, no help to anyone, unless you consider the possible ego boost for others who want someone to compare themselves favourably against.
I’ll level with you, you will find a scattering of such people outside most hospitals, most of the time. They are recognisable by the oxygen mask and fag or, thin cotton nightie in the snow and a fag or the mahoosive baby bump and the fag. Yup. I’m judging.

One of the things that could help to while away the hours might be writing a blog- well blow me, how fortuitous. I already write a blog.
…Every cloud and all that.

Soooo, this evenings offering is my top ten of books and blogs which have made me smile/snort in a most unladylike like fashion as well as a selection of beautiful and totes emosh books to read to a poorly baba.

Grown up choices…

1) Richard Bacon; A series of unconnected events.
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Mr L has a total man crush on Richard Bacon. He crow bars him into approximately 50% of all of the conversations we have. So, to humour him- and ensure that we continue to have something to talk about 13 years into our relationship, I have begun reading his book.
My expectations were low to be perfectly honest but I love it, only really knowing about the whole cocaine thang but, I am a total Bacon convert. He is hilarious and the book is an ideal toilet read as the chapters are short and can be read as stand alone stories if you so desire. Obviously, no self respecting woman reads on the toilet but, you get my drift. The first chapter is about the whole sorry snorting affair. Reason enough for the purchase.

2) Caitlin Moran; How to be a Woman.
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If you are looking for a more well rounded, more well educated, funnier and more polished version of this blog which instead of being a blog is a book, this is what you are after.
A fiercely intelligent woman and unashamedly strident feminist she has articulated everything that I think.
Pretty bloody annoying really as that is another income stream gone. Thanks Moran.

3) Caitlin Moran; Moranthology.
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As above. Double annoying.
I whole heatedly agree with her rant on party bags and aside from not knowing a jot or giving a toss about Doctor Who, I basically want to be her.

4) The Poke; www.thepoke.co.uk
Funny pics of random stuff. Absolutely no value to it at all aside from to make you smile.

5) ScaryMommy.com
The very fact that this blog uses the word Mommy should mean that I would never, ever darken its virtual doors. I hate that word.
However, I have had time on my hands during the last few evening and, thanks to the wonders of technology (RIP Steve Jobs) and my willingness to click yes when asked if I was a member of staff in need of WIFI access, I have perused many websites and blogs in the wee small hours.
For more funny stuff check out Mumsnet or Tots100.

Obviously, I would subscribe to my own humorous, anecdotal motherhood blog if I was not the author. That goes without saying.

Now for the kiddiwinks…

1) Nancy Tilman; On the night that you were born.

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Our best man read this verse at Baba A’s Naming Day.
It is amazing.
It perfectly articulates exactly how utterly bloody marvellous your baby/my baby/Kate and Wills baby is.

2) Nancy Tilman; I’d know you Anywhere my love.

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Love this.
Basically it is telling your child to reach for the stars, achieve their ambitions, be whatever the hell it is they want to be any you will still know them. If they dress up as a bird (obv in teen years this is more likely to be a goth, emo, whatever the kids are calling it these days!) you will still be able to pick them out of a feathery line up.
A pretty fab confidence boost I would think.
Clearly, this will be a subconscious message unless your kid really is an actual genius and can read between the lines.

2b) Basically anything by Nancy Tilman.
It should be clear by now the her books are unashamedly gushy and emotional reads about the serious levels of love you have for your child. (It should be perfectly obvious that she is a septic tank, us Brits are way too stiff upper lip for all of this).
They say absolutely nothing about the occasions where you are so knackered you could cry or have just found your brand spanking new lippy being used as a crayon for your walls.

3) Edward Monkton; Love Monkey.
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A whimsical story about a monkey who searches the world over for his dream monkey to give her his perfect heart.
Very simple illustrations, very beautiful message. Your heart will be perfect for the person it is meant for. Gawjuss.

3b) Edward Monkton; A Lovely Love Story.
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Fab story about two dinosaurs that are very different but a perfect match.
Highly unlikely to be based on any of Attenborough documentaries but lovely all the same.

4) Julia Donaldson</a; Tiddler.
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Tiddler.
When all the emotional claptrap is too much, get involved in a bit of rhyme about a little fish!
I love this book, it is ace.
Tiddler is a fish who to all intents and purposes is a big, fat lier. But one day something happens that blows all his fibs out if the water.
Great pictures, brill rhymes and available in a variety of forms ie board books, paperback and audio.
I love Julia Donaldson, obviously best known for The Gruffalo and The Gruffalo’s Child she has a whole host of books, poems, songs and plays which are well worth checking out.
My second favourite is The Singing Mermaid. Nasty old Sam Sly!!

5) Caryl Hart; The Princess and The Peas.

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A book chockablock with opportunities for voices and silliness.
Lily Rose May is generally a bit of a goody two shoes to be honest but gets into a bit of a flap over one of her 5 a day… Her Dad tries to sort it but in the end he has to call in the big guns.
A massive part of me hopes that the next child Kate and William have is a girl so Pippa pert ass Middleton can buy this as an ironic birthday present.

Incidentally, if you are going into hospital you will need an IPad. Fact. Without it you will surely die of boredom or, worse, succumb to the hospital shop and news of Jordan’s 19th wedding to a dancer that was once on Fame Academy behind Alex Parks.

Also, if you are going to buy any of these books which, quite clearly I recommend you do, please try to buy them from an independent bookshop. They are just nicer. Our local one, Linghams, just one Independent Bookshop of the Year. Totes Amaze.

I am now going to try to get some shut eye in the 10cm wide gap that is left of my camp bed since my baby came to join me in it.
Is there a better feeling in the world than having a little hand curled around your finger whilst watching their chest rise and fall and seeing them look peaceful?
Probably not but it does make writing a blog post pretty freaking tough!

Laterzzzzz. Lots of love.

XxxxX

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