Mumaleary's Blog

Cheaper than therapy

Being a parent.

on May 14, 2013

Today we have been to Alder Hey. Baby A has got a blocked tear duct and needs a small operation to sort it out. No biggy.

Walking in to the hospital we passed the Ronald McDonald House. A home away from home for families of very poorly children which allows them to maintain some sense of normality amongst all of the trauma, treatment and check ups.
My breath caught in my throat, what if something else turned out to be wrong with our beautiful, perfect, precious first born child? It happens to someone, why not us. How would we cope?
It happens. It is happening to someone, somewhere today, even as I write this a families life is changing for the worse and, there but for the grace of God go any of us.
I know two families currently struggling through the fog of their child having cancer. I can not begin to imagine how they are getting through each day. They must have considered the awful prospect of life without their babies. The very idea of that makes me sick to my stomach and I am thinking of them all and wishing it all better.
I read a blog the other day about a parent dealing with the loss of his child now. He lost his daughter just two days before our second daughter was born. It is a very moving read.

It seems to me that becoming a parent means becoming at the same time, stronger and weaker than you ever thought possible.
To want to take on the pain of another just so they wouldn’t have to bear it themselves takes a special kind of love and that doesn’t have to come from the physical act of giving birth or from getting someone pregnant.
It seems to me that being a parent is more to do with what happens after that life changing day when you meet your child for the first time.
It is more to do with the day in, day out. The mundanity of getting the weetabix, of accepting that you will never again come first- not even when you are on your own!
It is the soothing when they cry for a ridiculous reason, it is the playing when you’d prefer to be partying and it is the clearing up of pasta, puke and play dough from the kitchen floor on an almost daily basis.

Some parents opt out of this, some do such am horrendous job of raising their child/children that they don’t deserve to share the word parent with the rest of us. It is absolutely incomprehensible to me that some children in hospital will be there because of the way they have been treated, or mistreated by others. To think that Baby P’s parents and carers must have heard him cry in pain and know that they’d caused that time and time again absolutely beggars belief. But, hopefully, the system is changing and improving to allow others to step in where birth parents can’t, won’t’ or shouldn’t be raising their kids. The foster carers, kinship carers, the step mums and dads, the adoptive parents and aunties and uncles and grandparents. Thank God for you.
If you are loving, protecting and trying your best for the children in your lives you are my definition of a parent.
And, for all of this you get the smiles, the gabbling, the cuddles, the kisses and the indescribable ache in your heart that is being a parent. I totally, totally love it.
There is no off switch.

As it turns out, for us, all is well. Our beautiful baby needs a little op but it is a simple procedure and the consultant does not foresee any issues.

Lots of love to all of you.
Night night.
XxxxX

PS- an aside about Our beautiful, precious, perfect Baby B…
Baby B on the other hand, was regularly crying A LOT from when she was very small. It broke my heart and made me feel totally inadequate as a mother not to be able to sooth her and make her feel better. I wanted to understand what was hurting her and sort it out and to not be able to do that felt pretty crappy.
A friend suggested that we try something called The Bowen Technique. It has been a life changer. I am so so pleased to have taken B, she is genuinely like a different baby. She is relaxed, smiley, contented. Brilliant. I had never heard of it before but it basically (very basically) it is a drug free, non-invasive therapy which is very gentle and done over light clothing.
The lady that we have been going to is called Ruth. She is based in Wallasey on Wirral but there are practitioners worldwide and the therapy is used on people of all ages with a wide variety of ailments.
I would honestly give it a go if your baby seems unhappy or distressed and you don’t know what to do or how to sooth them. I am so chuffed to see my baby girl so much happier. (Embarrassed myself again at Puddleducks because I started crying to see her so calm, relaxed and happy- what a geek!)

Might be useful if you are struggling- just a suggestion. XxxX

PPS- I read this blog today which made me smile. 🙂

PPPS- last thing, I absolutely promise- one of the children with cancer is my brother in law and the other is my cousin. They aren’t children any more but they will always, always be someone’s baby. I love you both from the bottom of my heart.

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3 responses to “Being a parent.

  1. […] to look forward to when you become a parent. The answer is not a simple one but it is best answered here, here or, unfortunately, here…sorry […]

  2. Kim says:

    Hi was wondering if your baby has had the op yet? my little girl is being referred and I’m worried sick 😦

    • Mumaleary says:

      Yes she has and she is absolutely right as rain so try not to worry. If it is the same thing- tear duct blockage, it is very fast and the staff were so kind and caring. Good luck. XxxX

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