I have learnt quite a few valuable lessons this week which I will now share with you in the vain hope that I can save at least one of you from the abject misery which is sometimes my life.
Lesson 1) Your mum used to tell you to get your bag ready for school the night before for a very good reason.
It means that if you don’t know where anything is, or realise you don’t have something, you can solve the problem in time for it not to be a problem.
For example; if your husband is coming home on a Thursday night and you have promised him home made lasagne for dinner, it would make sense to purchase the ingredients when you are in town during the day.
NOT, totally forget and then cook a rubbish emergency dinner of prawn spaghetti.
Your misery will only be compounded when you realise that you are such an utter moron that the prawns are 5 days out of date and thus the meal is rendered in edible.
Cereal for dinner again!
Eg 2) if your child has a swimming lesson in Moreton at 10:30, it is not helpful to realise that the car seats are at Grandmas house at 9:45 so your husband has to go over there and get them immediately.
NB- Your marriage may be put in further jeopardy if you send aforementioned child to swimming with daddy in a normal nappy. Mr L was comprehensively reprimanded for being so foolish when in actual fact he had double checked its me before hand. Whoops.
None of this was an issue for me though because I was at my old school’s centenary open day.
You never know who you’ll bump into on such occasions so the idea was to double spanx it, trowl the slap on and really work the ‘what, this old thing’ in a brand new outfit.
What actually happened was- I was soooooo cross with myself for not packing the swimming stuff the night before, not realising about the car seats and generally being really upset with myself for not doing a very good job at this whole housewifery thing I had no time to put my face on etc so turned up looking like the real me. Sweet Jesus.
Lesson number 2…Even though it might make your life easier in the short term- don’t let your child play with something that one day you won’t want them to mess around with, like your Make up.
Playing with tubes, bottles and pots will keep babies entertained for ages, freeing you up to get yourself sorted BUT- once they’ve seen you putting on your slap a few times they will only want to try it themselves. This could result in 100 cotton buds being strewn across the bedroom floor.
I’m not Rainman or anything, I just know it was 100 as it was a brand new pot!
It may also lead to your bottle of Poison (perfume not cyanide) being smashed on the bathroom floor.
Anywho, we live and learn- back to the school open day thing-
As it happens, none of that mattered at all as I saw my brilliant old friend- lets call her Nic (because that’s her name) and her mum (let’s call her Nics mum) and we wandered around the school reminiscing and laughing our heads off. Ha ha bonk.
Baby B was with me and was a total dream, ambled around with her in the sling and she wasn’t even sick. Yey. Was slightly annoyed not to see a couple of old teachers there because I could have at least showed them that although I have no career to speak of, I at least totally ROCK at making beautiful babies.
So, Mr L collected me from school, took us all home and then took Baby B swimming. A mazing.
I decide that I will make a lovely dinner to show how much I appreciate him- which leads me neatly to…
Lesson number 3) Baked potatoes are very hot when they come out of the oven. Don’t touch them, you will burn your hand and you will drop them!
Nigella, your title will not be troubled for some time on recent form.
Oh, and final lesson of the day… If something in the bath looks like poo and smells like poo- it’s probably poo! Fetch me the sieve. ;-0
What catastrophes will befall me this week?! I dread to think. Have a good one all. Xxx