I don’t miss you because it’s today.

I don’t blog any more. I do write. I write all the time but I don’t often share my thoughts on the world wide web. I think it’s because they’re a bit angry and jumbled with the way the world is right now and I’m finding it hard enough to work things out in my own head and then explain and express things to our kids in a way that isn’t doing the exact thing that we tell them not to- name call, rant, remember everyone is human etc but it is SO HARD so I can’t be arsed with the judgement and the comments and the needing to constantly think about WOW- so this is us now, this is the way the UK does things. What an absolute shower. Ha, turns out just putting me in front of a keyboard gets me started!

But anyway- I wrote this and Hollie McNish wrote in her book that it’s important to do things that scare us and keep learning and growing like kids do and that gets harder as we get older doesn’t it. People don’t want to look like show offs or as though they’re wasting time. Well- since the world is going to hell in a hand cart- I’m doing the stuff that scares me and feeds me. Writing and sharing and hoping that it helps someone else today.

I don’t miss you because it’s today.

I just miss you.

You know?

If you were here, the 3rd of November would just be a day between halloween and bonfire night. A day we were putting aways ghosts and waiting for fireworks and sparklers to light up the nightsky for us to oooh and aaah at.

The day itself would mean nothing- it would be drop offs and pick ups and what’s for dinner’s and don’t foget your reading and teeth brushing and all of that forgettable everyday stuff.

Perhaps we wouldn’t even talk today.

Perhaps you’d be travelling across Europe in the motorhome you talked about.

Maybe mum would be a golf widow instead of just a widow.

Maybe.

But, because you’re not here, today is a heavy day and it’s weird because I don’t believe in forcing feelings so I won’t be sad just because it’s today but it does cause me to pause and wonder on what might have been.

It does make me think- am I doing this right, is this love enough, will they know that they are loved so fiercely that it is imprinted in their DNA and it can never be gone, even when we are?

The thing with grief though is that it isn’t magic- it doesn’t transform those grieving into perfect patient angels that are giddy with gratitude that they are still here. We don’t wonder around grateful that we are gifted with time with our loved ones remember to make each day count. We remain here, human, imperfect, impatient and we mess up. transform you- those that are gone into perfect people that did things better and didn’t screw up and didn’t disappoint. Fantastical fantasies made from snippets of stories- beautiful but bollocks.

I don’t miss you because it’s today.

I just miss you.

I miss what never was,

and so, I remember the best bits and I imagine other best bits that never were, driving lessons, family jokes, family meals, family holidays, university drop offs and sage words of advice, a heartfelt father of the bride speech, a proud as punch grandpa.

But these are guesses and imaginings.

Maybe it wouldn’t have been like that at all.

Maybe you’d have become a stressed and snappy 40 something executive who felt pulled in a million directions and didn’t make time for school plays and parties and pick ups and all of the parenting palaver that all of us left behind have to deal with on the daily.

But, because you’re not here, on days like today I try to stop myself becoming that person because you never had the chance.

I don’t miss you because it’s today Dad. I miss you forever. For me and Adam and mum and the girls and Soray.

WE just miss you.

Leary Life 2019

Every year for at least the last half a decade I have planned to spend a fabulous festive evening listening to a ‘Cracking Christmas Compilation’ album and sipping red wine whilst writing lovely, personal, from our home to yours type cards detailing what we’ve been up to over the course of the year and making heartfelt enquiries about you and yours.

Last year I came to the realisation that, despite my best intentions, I wasn’t realistically going to have the time or wrist strength to pen 50 or so caring Christmas cards and so realised to my horror that family Leary were stumbling into full on Christmas letter territory- I even wrote it but, again, time got the better of us and it was finally sent, in April and in email form; not quite in keeping with the original vision!

So, this year, since none of us are getting any younger and, since none of us really know what’s around the next bend AND- since we really genuinely DO care about you and yours and want to wish you a Very Merry Christmas, we thought we might as well spread a little sparkle whenever and wherever possible so, set aside the eye rolls, ignore the embarrassment and embrace the Christmas Chintz; here it is…

The inaugural Leary Christmas Letter.
You’re welcome!!!

For Christmas last year the girls were lucky enough to be given some amazing experience presents including a trip to Cardiff to see the RSC production of Matilda in January from Grandma which we all loved, the staging and singing was brilliant and it definitely added fuel to Bethan and Hannah’s love of drama and singing, it was a lovely way to finish off Christmas and gave the girls some quality time with their Godmothers Michelle and Vicky too. In February a gang of us headed over to Rome to watch Wales v’s Italy in the VI nations and to celebrate Soraya’s 40th birthday- it was a fantastic weekend with some delicious food and a great result – if you ever go we would highly recommend lunch in L’isola della Pizza- it is the best!

Next year we’ll be heading over to Dublin hoping for a similar experience and outcome so if you have any recommendations for us, let us know. March and April provided more days out with a family trip to Chill Factor in Manchester (thanks Uncle Martin and Auntie Laura!) where we enjoyed sledging, the ice slide and donuting down the hills.

There was also a trip to watch the British Gymnastics Championships (courtesy of Auntie Soraya and Uncle Pete), Disney on Ice with friends and, a brilliant Easter Bank Holiday weekend when our friends David, Josefine, Noah and Nike from Sweden came over to visit. We took them to Liverpool, Llangollen and on the traditional Good Friday Walk along the Wirral Way. Despite the language barrier all 4 of the children had a really lovely time and are already planning our next visit to Sweden… April also saw Tanya run her 5th London Marathon- as always it was a great day and Tan finished in 4hrs 56mins- not quite challenging Eluid Kipchoge yet but it’s the taking part that counts! Thank you to everyone that sponsored, we raised over £1,500 for Wellchild.

In May we were invited up to Glasgow for Christina and Grant’s wedding celebrations- Ad worked with both the bride and groom so it was really special to be a part of their reception and the Ceilidh dancing was certainly a steep learning curve!! We stayed in a great little air b’n’b in Hyndland in the West End and showed the girls around the city and a few museums. Adam’s brother Martin and sister in law Laura were very kindly in town too which was ideal for babysitting 😊 Ad had time to catch a match at Ibrox too so all in all, another winner of a weekend.

The Summer term was chock-a-block with school trips, fairs and sports days but we still found time for some theatre trips and gigs including Danny Baker, Paul Weller and ANNIE the Musical. At the end of June Tanya, Soraya and Janet headed over to Belfast for a cheeky spa break at the Merchant- we took an early flight from Liverpool and were at the hotel in time for breakfast after which we headed to the Titanic museum and for the Red Bus tour. We learnt loads about the troubles and the history of the city, smashed our 10,000 steps and were chilling in the roof top hot tub by Sunset- we’ve had worse days for sure! Half way through the year and we’re in danger of sounding as though we have more holidays than Judith Chalmers- oops! But- Ad and Tan took a trip to Berlin to see P!NK live in the Olympic stadium which was out of this world! Adam used up his entire data allowance on his phone following ball-by-ball commentary of the Super Over at Lord’s – whilst probably being the only person out of the 80,000 people being bothered there was something special about celebrating an England World Cup in Germany!

And then, quicker than a flash another school year was done and dusted and the Summer holidays arrived with the end of term drama show. Hannah played Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz which was super cute! Aside from that, we had an absolute ball at the weird and wonderful Maui Waui festival in Suffolk and the Leary ladies loved a week in Tenby with Janet, Soraya and her brood despite some changeable weather!

Ad started a new job and the girls began in their new classes in September, add an 8th birthday and a trip to Legoland (Thanks Nanny and Grandad) and a new cycling event managed by Tan into the mix it was all systems go. By October half term Ad was begging for a break so we headed to Center Parcs in the Lakes and enjoyed a week of gorgeous Autumn weather, swimming, treetop tekking and crazy golf- bliss.

Bethan has settled into year three really well and has loved her first few months at Brownies; she has already been on a two night sleepover and laid the wreath at this years Remembrance parade. Hannah can not wait to join her in January- first trip is to the Pantomime! Han is all about the singing and is over the moon to be Mary in the nativity this year. She is a real book worm and has settled into year two nicely. They have both got a lovely little group of friends and are happy so, that’ll do for us!

Throughout the year I have been working towards my yoga foundation course which she passed in October and an ILM Level 5 qualification in Coaching and Mentoring with a view to working with children and young people in this area going forwards. It has been a lot of work with classroom days, essays and 1:1 coaching and 10 all-day yoga learning days but it has also been really interesting, eye opening and definitely worthwhile- I am loving how it is unfolding and can’t wait to take my first workshop in January.

Obviously letters like this always focus very much on the highlights so we’ve left out any mention of attitude, argument, questionable manners, boring life admin, work-related stress, emotional wobbles and the general mundane day-to-day business of adulting but- be assured there has been plenty of all of this  across the course of the year as well as all of the highlights! We have also said a few very sad good byes this year which has probably been the push I needed to put pen to paper to say;

We love you, we think of you often and we are sorry that the days fly by so we don’t seem to manage to see everyone we’d like to as often as we should.

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy start to the next decade!
With lots and lots of love and hugs to you all.
Adam, Tanya, Bethan and Hannah.
Xxxxx

 

Top Tips for a trip to Disneyland Paris.

Well bloody hell, that half of the year pretty much flew by in a flash didn’t it!

This time next week Mr L will be having the annual classroom show round from the kids and a sly cry when we read the reports because, no matter how we dress it up, they’re growing up and, in the words of ABBA, slipping through our fingers all the time. SOB!

Funnily enough this week has also involved a few mum’s messaging for some insider advice on Disneyland Paris and this my friends means only one thing… people are planning for Christmas. Yup, you heard me, they are planning for CHRISTMAS and, when this popped up in my newsfeed it made perfect sense.

Now, if you’re familiar with my blog you’ll know that I’m not big into stuff for the girls preferring experiences and memory making over forgettable plastic clutter any day and it was this that led us to have a personal one on one chat with Mr Christmas himself a few years back…After a bit of toing and froing we decided to go halves on a holiday to Disneyland Paris and this is how we broke the news to the girls:

They were over the moon and, given that we were going less than 2 days later the excitement never had time to waine.

We looked into booking direct but found the prices quite tricky to work out as they vary from day to day depending on what dates are peak, saver etc and, you pay the rate of the day you arrive for the duration of your stay. In the end we booked through Tui which meant that everything from airport carparking to transfers and our lunch with the Princesses was all sorted in one face to face meeting and everything ran like clockwork.

OBVIOUSLY You want the Disney hotel…I mean look at it!!!

But, I just couldn’t justify the additional cost and I am so glad we didn’t; The Newport Bay was absolutely perfect and an easy walk from the park entrance.

There is so much I could say about Disney- it was a holiday much more than I could ever have imagined. Even Mr L who readily admits Princesses ‘aren’t really his genre’ adored it. So, what would we advise if you’re taking the plunge this year…

Top tips for a Winter Break?

1. Stock up at breakfast- we opted for half board accommodation which enabled us to have a really good breakfast each day and also to stock up on fruit and snacks for our day bag to eat whilst queuing for the rides- there is absolutely nothing to be gained from queuing to buy food in the park. It won’t be memorable, it won’t be gourmet and it will mean time wasted when you could be having another go on the Peter Pan ride!
2. Book activities ahead- Disney do Fairytales like no one else and whilst you’re there, there are so many opportunities to emerse yourself in them. See a show, eat with your favourite princess or enjoy a themed meal- the opportunities are endless. BUT- make sure you take some time to plan this in advance- think about what your littlies enjoy and book accordingly. They do fill up fast and you don’t want to miss out. The website has lots of detail so grab a pen, make a brew and create an itinerary- sounds boring but it is your ticket to a far more enjoyable holiday where you don’t miss out on things because you either didn’t know or didn’t book.
3. Make use of your bonus hour- if you are staying in certain hotels you are entitled to an extra hour in the park before it opens to the public. It is worth making the effort to get there for this and making your way to the furthest most corner of the park or getting in position for your chosen meet and greet or the parade.
4. Don’t get sucked in by the stuff- OMG…OMG I had no idea just how much retail there would be on offer literally all over the park. Disney does everything- seriously- from costumes to crockery it is there and it is pricey. A friend gave us this top tip before we went; when your children ask for something say that they can add it to their birthday wish list- that way; you’re not constantly saying no but you’re not buying something every two minutes either. They will either forget about it or, you’ve got a ready made list of things to buy later in the year… at home where it will be cheaper!
5. Take a nap- The parades and the evening light show are absolutely spectacular. They blew us all away but they are late at night (around 9.30pm) and, when you’ve been on your feet all day that might be a big ask. We went back to the hotel around 4pm, grabbed some z’s and headed back out around 8pm when the park was quieter.
6. This is a bonus tip…you’re welcome TAKE A KETTLE- apparently, in Europe it is pretty normal not to have a kettle or any tea or coffee facilities in your room- OMG- I was not prepared for that. For an 8 cup a day gal this was hard to take… pack a travel kettle and your fave tea.

 

There’s plenty more so I’ll probably come back and add to this but, for now the message is simple- If Father Christmas is taking your crew to Disneyland Paris this Christmas, book now, there are some fantastic offers on for free nights, upgrades etc and- browse the website, it’s well worth it.

Have a ball- it’s what memories are made of.

 

Love Me.

x

Sometimes we all need a PJ day & 3 books that made me feel less mad!

Good Morning you gorgeous gaggle and a very happy Pyjamarama day to you! But what’s that I hear you cry?! Well, we’ve all heard of a PJ day or a duvet day. I imagine that we’ve all felt the need to hunker down, pull up the drawbridge and ignore the outside world for a day or two…Pyjamarama day is just the opposite! A UK  wide event where thousands of nurseries, pre-schools, libraries and other baby groups will be staying in their PJ’s to raise money for Booktrust to support their campaign to ensure that every child in the UK gets a bedtime story.

This is the first year that Booktrust have hosted such a day which is a bit of a shame as it would have been the perfect way for me to launch Time for Bed Baby which will be celebrating its 1st birthday this month!

Feedback for the book has been really positive; mums have reported that they feel ‘less alone’ and ‘encouraged by the supportive tone of the book’ which honestly makes me so happy! The whole purpose of the book was to reassure mums that, even if they are alone physically, there is someone out there that knows and understands the way they are feeling and, is telling them it will pass, they are precious too and they deserve the time to take care of their needs too.

This book gave me the ultimate gift of hope. Hope that sleep will come (it has been elusive!) and tomorrow will begin afresh. A practical set of actions, and a story that my little one absolutely loves. Thank you! It’s our family’s favourite and I am sure I will be buying as a gift for my friends.

My local PJ day was hosted by West Kirby library on Tuesday and was absolutely gorgeous- there was a bounce and rhyme session with lots of singing and music followed by a chance for drinks and a chat with other mums and some of the services and groups in the area that families can access such as first aid sessions, swimming classes and music groups. I was so glad I went because honestly; that morning, I nearly didn’t. My anxiety was through the roof, imposter syndrome was choking me;

Seriously; who the hell do you think you are with your stupid book and your mindfulness for mums? Everyone is laughing at you- what makes you think anyone gives a shit what you think?

AND- I was in my pyjamas for crying out loud- I wasn’t exactly going to go unnoticed on my walk from the car park!

Putting myself out there- sharing not only something that I wrote but also my feelings and family has been without a doubt the hardest part of the whole book writing process. I have regularly wondered why I bothered, why people would be interested in my verse, my advice, my experience. I have shrugged off compliments and minimised my achievement because it is a really bloody scary thing to share something that means so much to you with the world, and await judgement….and it is all of these things, all of these feelings that make me sure that sharing them is the right thing to do. Showing others, mums or not, that these feelings pass. That they can be managed, they can be discussed and, it doesn’t make you less of a mum or a woman or a human. It makes you more. To feel like staying in your PJ’s, under the covers and alone save for a cuppa and some fictional characters, but to actually get up, get out and own looking like a total div dropping off the kids and walking through the carpark in the rain whilst wearing your salmon pink birdy pyjama top is enough!

You can’t tell I’m full to the brim with self doubt here can you…

Being kind to others and sharing your experiences so people feel less alone is a success whether that is one person or one million  and all of this is true whether you’re promoting yourself or your business or whether you’re just braving the library bounce and rhyme for the first time. Allowing yourself to hear and believe compliments is hard but, I am getting better; these are two of my favourites:

Every new mum needs this book! The routine of reading this lovely story to your baby each evening, then being prompted to look after yourself is an incredibly valuable tool for new mums. I love the yoga and breathing exercises and I love that taking time in the evening for me has now become routine.

The transition to motherhood wasn’t effortless for me and I wish this had been available when my first was born, I think our bonding experience and in turn, my mental health would have been very much more healthy.

And, in the Booktrust spirit; I am going to share with you some of the books that have made me feel less of a weirdo, more able to manage my mind day to day and be more gentle with myself- whatever life throws at me. 🙂

Bryony Gordon: Mad Girl and Eat, Drink, Run – Bryony ran with me (via Audible) through most of my marathon training! She made me look madder than usual during my Wirral Way jaunts as I nodded and laughed and cried along with her. She is funny, self aware, honest and the perfect illustration of how non of us can possibly know what anyone else is going through unless they share it. I love everything she stands for and have a massive girl crush on her.

Suzy Reading: The self-care revolution – Suzy is a regular contributor to Psychologies magazine and has lots of suggestions on how we can take ‘micro moments’ to look after ourselves. It’s not funny but it makes a lot of sense!

Hal Elrod: The Miracle Moring  **This is mega American and listening to it on audio will only heighten this feeling but, I got loads from it

NB- These books are not magic; you will defo still have days that you feel pants. Soz.

Well; this post has definitely taken a different turn to what I was expecting to write; Sorry but- there you go! You might as well be honest otherwise whats the point?! I was planning on sharing with you the books that my babies loved reading before bed each night and revisiting the idea that was so important for me in the early days, weeks and years; Bath, Book, Bed but- you can read all about that in my book if you want and I’ll come back soon with my other recommended reads.

Have a happy day now.

Loads of love,

Tanya

XxxX

PS- If you want to buy a personalised copy of the book drop me a line with the details and I will pop one in the post for you spit spot!

PPS- The eagle eyed among you will have seen I am beginning to change my name on social media from Muma to Tanya…more on that to come…

 

 

 

Body Image…How’s yours?

When I drafted this post I initially started by saying; “I am sure that it hasn’t escaped your attention that it is Mental Health Awareness week” but then I realised that maybe it had… Maybe the conversation about mental health is like Brexit all over again- I think we are staying in because the people I follow, the feeds I read, the papers I skim all tell me we all share the same view and the UK will remain in the European Union except oh…wait…URG Maybe I think that everyone is becoming more open and aware about mental health, mental illness and ways to self care because that’s where I’m at but actually, there are still huge swathes of people who are affected and feeling afraid and alone with those around them scared and unsure of what to do.
Maybe I see and hear so much about mental health and self care because these are the posts I like and share on social media and then the clever algorithms/ scary big brother types think- like that? You might like this too… and, often, they are right. I love to see posts of people doing good stuff- of Bryony Gordon in her pants saying “this is me and if you don’t like it; jog on. Of people wild swimming or surfing or just enjoying the sunshine. They make me feel good; they make me think- “I might try that” and it has taught me loads, It led me to climb Snowdon at Midnight, it has directed my to brilliant books, perfect podcasts and awesome insta accounts full of positivity and inspiration but, that’s not how it is across the board.
News this week tells me that:

• 12.5% of adults in the UK today have felt so distressed about their body image that they consider ending their lives.
• Locally we know that serious issues still remain with Birkenhead recently listed as one of the most depressed communities in the country.
• Today I hear that yet another teenager has ended her life following a social media poll asking should she live or die.

It is becoming clearer than ever that social media can be a really harmful tool. In the same way that my algorithms keep showing me little squares of healthy recipes, yoga retreats and dogs on surfboards, there will be other people, most likely young people, being shown images of self harm and devastating details on suicide; reinforcing their beliefs and thought patterns. It has to stop and, until social media giants do something tangible to make a difference, we need to know what positive steps we can take for the benefit of both our own mind and body as well as our children’s. I was invited on to Radio City Talk earlier today to speak about Body Image and the impact that can potentially have on our mental health and, because I am so passionate about this, I couldn’t possibly fit in everything I wanted to say in the 20 minutes we had (They should give me my own show really) so, for those that missed it, you can catch it again here and, for those that want to know more, read on!

My Wellchild Why #VLM2019

All being well, this time in 3 weeks I’ll be sipping on a shandy with my fifth (and probably final) London Marathon hanging round my neck. Having deferred last year due to a niggling knee and a dose of depression which stole my running mojo, I can’t wait to get to the start line and soak up what is always an incredible and emotionally charged atmosphere.

I will be heading to the start line this year nursing a hurty hip, a niggling knee and an achy ankle. I will be celeb spotting at the Green start and draped in one of the new capes that VLM are trialling as just one of several measures to reduce the carbon footprint of the race and am aiming for a new PB- keep everything crossed for me! This year, I am running for an incredible charity; WELLCHILD and, I thought you might like to know a little more about my why…

Once upon a time (you might need to suspend belief for a minute) the government made some really poor decisions and decided that front line staff working with children at risk of entering the care system were a luxury. Now, it would be incredibly easy here for me to go off on a massive rant here about the subsequent rises in gangs, violent crime and the fact that decisions such as this have had an impact which will take decades to undo but, as we all have things to do I will press on with the story at hand…

After my friends and I were told that we were being made redundant, I logged on to gumtree and searched for a job that would help pay the rent whilst I looked for something else. What I found was an amazing weekend position looking after a gorgeous girl and supporting a fantastic family who had a child with complex medical needs. That little girl was called Phoebe and she was born with Cerebral Palsy having suffered complications at birth. Phoeb’s was not able to talk or walk and used an electric wheelchair to get around but she was definitely able to make her feelings and needs known. I fell 100% in love with her!

At the interview I was so afraid of using the wrong terms or saying the wrong thing; and I certainly made my fair share of mistakes; having never supported a child with significant medical needs before it was a steep learning curve for me but, it was also one of the best things I have ever done because it taught me so much about life- about empathy, guilt, unconditional love and just getting on with things, how ever challenging the circumstances.

I saw how much love and care her mum and dad gave everyday and how difficult they found it to give as much time and attention to their other children. I saw how frustrating Phoebe found it when I couldn’t quite figure out what she wanted despite both of us trying our best and I saw how clever and funny and stubborn and cheeky she was- it was a learning curve and a massive privilege. I worked with Phoeb’s and her family for almost 3 years. She is now 17 (which is frankly ridiculous) totally gorgeous with a whole life list of plans that she is smashing her way through as I type and I am so proud to know her! Me being a part of the family (which is what so many carers are) enabled mum and dad to get some much needed respite, to spend time with their other two children and to do all of the usual day to day admin that comes with being a parent… washing, home-work, taxiing to parties- you know the score- well; times that by at least 100 and you’re still a world away from the daily challenges that these families face.

On Thursday, as Mr L, the girls and I were leaving the house for an afternoon at Chill Factore the post arrived and in it was this- I cried most of the way to Manchester;

As our two girls sat in the back of our non adapted car chatting and reading and singing I was totally overwhelmed. How lucky we are to be able to get up and go, to take part in activities and visit cool (pun intended) places like Chill Factore without considering anything more than whether we had remembered 4 pairs of gloves for 2 hours in the snow… news flash… we hadn’t!

Running the marathon for Wellchild will hopefully show what a huge amount of respect I have for all of the families across the UK that are caring for children with complex needs as well as all of the nurses and support services that work along side them. It is a difficult and life long journey.

The work Wellchild does allows families like Ava’s and Phoebe’s and hundreds of others, to live. It enables them to get home and get on. It provides training so that families are able to administer medical support at home. The Better at Home Suite at Edge Hill is a wonderful facility which enables parents to learn the necessary skills to care for their child at home in a safe and supportive environment. Wellchild also funds nurses who can visit families at home to support with medical needs and prevent prolonged hospital stays. There is so much more I could say about Wellchild, quite simply, they are life savers- check out the family stories  on the Wellchild website and you’ll understand exactly what I mean.

I would love you to support my marathon fundraising efforts by donating a fiver, a tenner or whatever you can afford, in doing so you’re helping to make sure families all over the country have the care and support they need to be able to look forward with hope.

Click the here now to make a donation…. PLEASE- every single donation helps.

 

THANK YOU!

Love

Tan

XXXXX

Whitney was right, the children are our future.

Since mid January I’ve been attempting a weird hybrid of the Marie Kondo ‘Life changing magic of tidying’ and The amazing Organised Mumcleaning method and; spoiler alert- it actually is life changing. I have cut the criminal amount of crap in our playroom to a manageable level. We have reduced our rainforest of paperwork to a few files which is a massive relief. Mr L and I spent part of Valentine’s day at the tip – true story and, I am on first name terms with the ladies at the charity shop. I have sold lots of toys, games and clothes that the girls have grown out of and the money has gone to my marathon charity- Wellchild.

Having a cleaner, tidier, emptier house feels nice. Knowing where to find things saves me time and stress and I am a less shouty mummy which we are all happy about.

Considering which items “spark joy” has led to a serious reduction in both random clutter and kids crafting efforts but it has also made me acutely aware of the sheer volume of waste packaging which exists and, if our home is anything to go by, the insane amount of plastic and paper we use and discard on a daily basis.

People do seem to be thinking more about waste, recycling and climate change but, ironically, the pace of change is glacial and the people making the biggest noise are the kids which fills me with equal levels of hope and shame.

Our throw away generation with our demand for cheap products, disposable fashion and convenience are responsible for the global crisis we now find ourselves in. Governments have ignored the issues and it is only now, now children are literally taking to the streets to protest that we are beginning to take notice. Greta Thunberg, the 16yr old Swedish girl who speaks so passionately about the crisis and has been protesting each Friday since last August, has brought a new awareness and urgency to the situation. Her parents must be so proud. So often it is left to children to show adults how to behave, the art of what is possible and the power of words; Malala Yousafzai is another incredible example that springs to mind.

If we all commit to making some small changes the effect will be more than the sum of its parts but, we are way beyond small changes now. We need BIG changes. We need BIG companies to evaluate what they can do reduce their waste, their carbon emissions and we need to all recognise that our obsession with stuff has to stop.

We need to buy less, drive less and use less.

Companies like Jo Malone need to consider their recycling policies- offering a refill service or allowing customers to return empties doesn’t devalue a brand. It means you value your clients and recognise your corporate social responsibilities. Last week, fed up of waiting for a change in policy I took my candle jars, room diffusers, soap dispensers and boxes to the tip for recycling. 😞 it’s better than landfill but recycling still takes energy and creates waste. Reusing is better, refilling stations would be better. Waste Not Want Not in Birkenhead Market can do it. You need to step up. We all do.

As ever, Matt Haig is able to articulate this brilliantly:

I know that’s uncomfortable. I know it’s not what people want to hear and I appreciate that it requires us to make changes and it is a pain in the ass. It requires less time and less planning to jump in the car for a 2 minute trip as opposed to a 10 minute scoot but, needs must. Our children need us to step up, to pay attention to their protest and to make changes. Plus; there are so many positives that come out of doing things more slowly- we talk more, notice more and engage more.

What changes are you making in your home to make a positive difference to the planet? We’d love your top tips.

A sort of Poem for my sister (who is 40!)

Soraya, Soraya Soru.

I have written a poem for you*

When someone has been in your life for the whole of your life, it is difficult to effectively articulate just how much they are a part of you. How deeply entrenched they are in your path to this point. It isn’t a given that just because you have a sister you’ll like each other and you’ll grow up to like each other more. There’s no guarantee that you’ll be lucky enough to find yourself a friend for life but, for me at least, this is absolutely the case.

This poem doesn’t all rhyme.

I’m not even sure if it is a poem in the truest sense of the word but anyway, here it is, as per request. It is a love letter to you, my darling sister who has my back, always.

I hope you know that I’ll always have yours.

40 years ago today you popped out mums sunroof to say ‘G’day!

Into the warm Australian sun you opened your eyes to a life time of fun.

Daddy held you in the palm of his hand

(and realised then you’d never be naturally tanned)

Mum was bowled over by her bundle of joy

(She still is today- though you sometimes annoy!)

From a geeky girl too shy to speak,

Whose 3 times tables made her weep.

Who played a Gnat in the school play

And didn’t ever get her way.

Who ripped a hymn book and did a wee,

Who had blue glasses so she could see.

To the wonderful woman you are today,

Wow, what a journey, what can I say?

(and here is where we move into the non rhyming bit)…

You are the fabric of my childhood.

All of my happiest memories have you in them and I am proud to call you my sister. You should be proud of the person you are too;

As beautiful inside as you are out you keep many independents afloat simply by being so willing to get your brows and lashes and bikini line done. A true heroine of small business!

Seriously though; I don’t know anyone that has a bad word to say about you. You are kind, caring, compassionate and a true forever friend to so many.

The fierce love you have for your family is obvious and Peter, Amy, Alf, All of us- are lucky to have you.

What I am trying to say Soraya is; (and apologies again about the lack of rhyming)

You are the best sister I could ever have hoped for. Every single little quirk which makes you you, makes me smile…. and occasionally roll my eyes! Hanging out with you makes me happy (usually). You make me more sparkly and silly and who doesn’t need more of that in their life?

For those that don’t know you know you (if you know what I mean), it would be easy to focus on the fizz, the frocks, the fascinators and the fabulous array of shoes (and they really are fabulous!)

But this is really just the handbag stuff.

Sure; you might have more social engagements than Meghan Markle (12 weddings in 12 months is a particular high!) Your God Child count is higher than the birth rate of some small countries but; that is simply because you mean so much to so many people. They know they can trust you and that you will be cheering them on. You are the person people trust with their deepest fears, their scary secrets and their amazing achievements. That’s not a privilege afforded to everyone.

I adore the zest for life you have.

You welcome people into your life with open arms and an open mind. You forgive people with an open heart and you are always ready for fun.

You don’t get to 40 without facing some adversity and life hasn’t all been plane sailing has it?

Whose is?

You love people, you lose people and we all have to learn to adapt to the holes that they leave behind but adapting isn’t forgetting. You have a little piece of every special someone you’ve ever loved locked inside your head and heart- they’ve all had a part to play in the person you are here in this moment and for every moment going forwards.

I am so happy that you have your family unit and that me and my family are able to be such a close part of it.

 

I am so glad that you are always up for an adventure and don’t take life too seriously; I can not imagine a day when you’ll be too old for a day at a fair or a dip in the sea and I hope I can always be there grabbing a selfie with you.

I LOVE YOU.

ALWAYS.

Happy Birthday Soray. Here’s to many more.

XxxX

 *sort of…your name isn’t great for rhyming to be honest!

 

What is art anyway (and can anyone appreciate it?) #Aurora

A few months ago I received an email from the lovely people at FACT Liverpool asking me whether I’d like to be a part of an advisory group to help discuss and develop ideas to engage a broader audience as they move forwards. I was thrilled to be asked of course but, as I composed my reply I felt it necessary to fess up to the fact (excuse the pun) that I am absolutely hopeless at art and in fact, Art in its most traditional form is something that in the past I have been a little intimidated by.

I’ve always felt that my brain doesn’t really ‘get it’. As if the artist is trying to express something way beyond my comprehension and, as a result I’ve probably tried too hard to understand it instead of just seeing what I see and enjoying it from my own perspective. Second guessing people isn’t fun at the best of times and second guessing an unmade bed or a cow in formaldehyde wasn’t really a priority for me in the early noughties so it’s fair to say that I’ve sort of shied away from it a bit and haven’t got much knowledge of the traditional art world at all. I’ve never spent a huge amount of time in galleries. Libraries yes; Mr L and I spent hours in the ‘main branch’ of New York Central Library many years ago- and I could happily reside in Liverpool library with its poetry and glass domes. May be I just naturally focused my attention on the stuff that I understood more readily. The Peoples Palace in Glasgow for example held my attention for the best part of a day and I see something new and absorbing every time we go to the Liverpool museum. But, traditional picture on wall writing in a box underneath galleries haven’t often been on the must visit list. As I grow older though, I really would like the time to amble around a gallery and ponder the why’s and the wherefores of the pictures before me but, with two young children there isn’t a huge amount of time for that at the moment!

Anyway, back to FACT. Fact actually stands for Foundation for art and creative technology and they are the UK’s leading media arts centre offering a unique programme of exhibitions, film and participant-led art projects. Based in the town centre of Liverpool FACT is just one of the many organisations in the area that helps keep Liverpool at the absolute top of its game in respect of the quality and variety of exhibitions and artists of all disaplines it attracts. There is always something to see. This evening that something was the preview event for FACT’s latest installation; AURORA; an “epic immersive experience” based within the bowels of the old Toxteth Reservoir and I was invited along.

Honestly, I very, very nearly didn’t go. It was cold, pouring with rain, I didn’t know anyone else that would be there and a large part of me had that old nigle… you won’t get it and everyone else will be proper arty types that know what they’re taking about… gulp.

In the end, I went along mainly because I had asked my mum to babysit and I didn’t want to mess her around but I am so very glad I did;

It reminded me of the beauty of people power.

This installation is a collaboration between artists from the UK, India and Indonisia. It has been 2 years in the making! It’s involved schools from across Toxteth as well as the wider community. There has been multiple sponsors and funding applications to bring the artists vision to reality. The people on the doors, giving out tickets and wrist bands and holding the torches are FACT volunteers. Absolutely everyone involved is so proud of what they’ve achieved together and it really felt like a community effort as we gathered in the church hall for out briefing this evening.

It consumed me

For 40 minutes I was removed from the chaos and mundanity of modern life. To begin with I was still that anxious non artist trying to second guess what the real artists wanted me to think or see or feel at particular points but, the longer I stood, the less that mattered to me. I was just totally absorbed by the lighting and the hauntingly stirring music; it filled my ears and reverberated in my bone and when it was over I felt like I wanted to cry!

It was just for me.

I am so pleased I was able to attend and experience it completely by going alone. I didn’t hear anyone else’s take on it. I didn’t have to articulate what I thought of it and I didn’t have to rush or linger. I was there viewing it in my own time on my own terms.

As we exited the experience we were handed postcards asking

“what did the installation mean to you?”

At the time I couldn’t find a way to articulately express my thoughts so here they are a few hours late.

Water is life. It is constant but it is ever changing. It has the power to soothe and to scare. To calm and to kill. It will outlast us all and it is beautiful.

Thank you FACT. Thank you to the artists; Invisible Flock, thank you to everyone that played a part in getting this art installation to completion. I found it mood altering, mind opening, utterly absorbing and completely consuming. In short, brilliant.

Thanks for reminding me that art comes in various forms and it is for all. Thanks for bringing it to a new space and a new audience. I can’t wait for the next meeting (if you’ll have me back?!)

The installation is open between 21st Sept and 7th October and is well worth a visit. Book online and take your wellies…unless you want to get wet feet! Find out more online at the FACT website and, if you do go, don’t forget to tell me what you think!

Until next time!

It’s a tough job…no seriously, it is!

Those of you that have followed my blog or follow me on social media will likely know by now that I often go about things in fits and starts. I have always been the same and, it is something that I have to work quite hard to manage; food wise I can be feast or famine and it a similar story with exercise and writing. I love writing, I love running, I love yoga and every single time I do any of them I wonder why I don’t (or haven’t til now) done a little bit of all of them daily! They all make me feel like the best me and I like that me most!

Anyway… Last week, when I launched my book, Time for Bed Baby, (which as an aside you can buy here now- totally shameless plug 🙂 ) my lovely friend Karen came along to support and reminded me just how much I enjoy writing and encouraged me to just do it! It is both amazing and infuriating to think that multi award winning blogger of Mini Travellers fame asked me for my tips when starting her blog. Amazing that someone as smart and savvy as Karen even felt the need to ask little old me and infuriating to think of how my blog might have grown had I just been a. little. bit. more. consistant… AAARRRGGGHHH!! Anywho; That is where consistency, hard work, general loveliness and talent get you.

In truth, I haven’t always felt like I’ve had anything of value or importance to say and, since I am neither a clothes horse or a beauty babe reviews on either of those topics were a non starter (in my humble opinion!) but, in my new role as BDM for The Wirral Visitor Economy Network I am finding that I do have a go to topic when I am lacking any first hand ‘Muma Leary type news! so, here’s today’s outing…

As I type I am soaking in the view from Thurstaston country park having popped in to see three brilliant new businesses spitting distance from  our house- WINNING!

First up,Just Baked @ Church Farm.

On 13th June lovely David and Aidrienne took over the café at Church Farm. They have brightened it up, changed the menu and it is looking great. I chatted to Aidrienne as she made scones that my Grandma would have been jealous of!  In less than a month they have turned a 2* trip advisor rating to a 5. It is clean and bright and well worth a visit especially as they welcome dogs- HOORAY!

Excitingly, Church Farm are now leasing small units to local businesses so expect more exciting changes there soon. You can find out more by following them on Facebook  as well as Instagram and Twitter.

Next up is The White Owl; I considered a disguise for this one- last time I was here my girls were particularly feral and knocked over a coffee and a juice in quick succession; not the chilled out yummy mummy vibe I was going for! I needn’t have worried, I was met by Zara the manager who was warm and friendly and keen to tell me about their live music Saturdays and other regular events such as Globe Boppers which can be found at the Owl each Wednesday. Free parking, fab coffee (when it’s not lashed on the floor!) and a glorious view which I soaked up in solitude.

So far, it’s sounding  like a tough day hey! I KNOW- Don’t get me started on the smug; I can not even articulate how lucky I am feeling  today! I adore living on the Wirral. LOVE. IT. Partly this is down to the fact that I have got a core of immense friends and family but it’s also down to the feel of the place, the views and the mix of coast and countryside as well as the towns and businesses. I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather raise my girls.  Soznotsoz.

we’re close to the sea! whoop!

Today I was lucky enough to meet the awesome new owner of GJ’s coffee shop, Fliss. Straight away it was obvious that she shares the same #WonderfulWirral vibe and is full of exciting plans for GJ’s over the coming weeks and months. Fliss took over less than 3 months ago and has already put her stamp on the popular spot- the jukebox will be back in working order very soon and the café will be opening earlier on a Sunday as of September to coincide with the launch of Junior Park run- perfect!

Foodwise you’ve got it all covered. Full on breakfasts with very generous portions, light as a feather meringues from Nova in Heswall, Fudge from Irby and some incredible looking vegan cakes from Cakehole in Liverpool.  Dogs are welcome indoors and out and they have their very own biscuits, ice cream as well as a ‘Star Barks’ water stop outside. Check out their page on Facebook and Insta and show Fliss and her team some love.

If the insane quality of my writing has enticed you to want to pop to our #ParadisePeninsula for a break you can find out more about what to do, where to stay and all that jazz on the Visit Wirral website. See you soon!

Much Love,

Muma.

XxxX