The eagle eyed amongst you will have spied that I have haphazardly started including a few recipes on the blog in a feature that I like to call FOODIE FRIDAY.
What you need:
This is enough to serve one. You might think you can share but in reality this is unwise.
An empty fridge and or cupboard
An ebbing sense will power
An unwavering sense of knackeredness
A lot of of trash telly to watch
A onesie (or other expanding waistline pants)
A phone (landline or mobile is fine though charges will vary depending on which device you use)
A take away menu (for this recipe I am using Lee and Lau, which is Chinese, but you can try pizza, Indian or even Fish and Chips)
Some UK currency.
I know that this seems like a lot of ingredients but please- don’t be put off, if you read the instructions carefully you will soon see it isn’t as hard as it may first appear.
What you do:
Trawl through your cupboards and realise that you might as well be called Ms Hubbard.
Set an alarm for 6pm this is the time that the takeaway is opening, yep…I know what hours they keep! This is progress, at my local takeaway in Nottingham they recognised my voice and knew my order off by heart- I am not proud)
Glance at the menu and fool yourself into thinking you might stray away from your regular over order of:
24, 27,33 (1/2) and a coke- full fat.
Whilst herding your off spring up the stairs dial and then place the phone in the crook of your neck.
Make the call.
*NB* it is important that you complete this part of the recipe as close to 6pm as possible.
If you don’t other orders begin flooding in and you’ll be left with a wait time of over an hour and the delivery guy will come a knocking mid ‘Enders. This is a rookie mistake and should be avoided at all costs.
Whilst running the bath recite your order clearly to the person on the other end of the phone. Repeat fat coke until you are sure it has been understood.
Whilst watching In the Night Garden day dream about your chicken and sweet corn soup and salt and pepper spare ribs. Keep a bib or muslin handy for this part.
Once the children are in bed put the monitor under a cushion.
Sit on the cushion.
Pretend to yourself that you are going to use crockery and cutlery for this culinary delight.
Swear at the doorbell which wakes up the children.
Place another cushion on top of the monitor.
Burn mouth on soup by drinking straight from the polystyrene bowl.
Drop rib in horror when you realise that the contestants of I’m a celebrity are being released back into the wild- by which I mean real world.
Recline on sofa in full onesie get up feeling half sickened and half proud of your over eating efforts. Emit the occasional burp.
And that my friends is that.
Tune in next Friday for more ‘the real Nigella’ recipes.