Yesterday Mr L took the girls out for the day and, when they arrived home tired and full of tales he triumphantly handed me a gift he knew I’d love and loathe in equal measure.
A porn mag.
I gawped at it, I drooled over it and then I felt guilty and stupid for thinking that we could still achieve such mind-blowing, sigh inducing, pimped up versions of ourselves now we have children.
…I am talking of course about the John Lewis Christmas Catalogue, sorry; Annual. I am flicking through now and weeping at the beauty of it.
Regular readers of this blog will be well aware of my love affair with John Lewis. Their customer service is brilliant, their exchange policy is no quibble and, as department stores go, they can’t be beaten.
I am honestly not a greedy person, I mostly daydream about being minted when I see little gifts I could give to others. If I won the lottery I’d be so damn generous it’d be sickening but tell you what, one look at this John Lewis tome and I am picturing a parallel universe in which I can be both a mother of 2 gorgeous but grubby, hand smearing, bean juice wiping, mud loving snot machines and the owner of a veritable show home.
The creator of a Christmas wonderland with a wardrobe so grown up gorgeous I begin to imagine that simply by purchasing the entire collection I will morph into someone who both understands all things adult and has no need to use the information since life will unfold perfectly for me as a sashay through it (with a serious manicure and a killer lip!)
And that is why I must dispense of this filth.
It’s not for me.
Now my posh tops are magnets for mess, our Christmas table has an actual colour in cloth and some of our cutlery is primary coloured plastic.
But, that’s just it isn’t it.
It’s not just a magazine, it’s a picture of perfection; buy this and your life will look like that…
Damn you John Lewis, you get me every time. You and M&S.
And soon you’ll bring out your bloody Christmas advert which will no doubt have me in bits. Again.
But, actually, this festive season I have the perfect reason not to be sucked into this generic Christmas.
I know that each of us will hit the high street for some of our essentials and I’m not trying to suggest otherwise but, for the really special stuff, for those really precious people in your lives, those that you want to show the level of thought and care and love that’s gone into their gifts you need something extra.
That’s what you get at FFF. That along with champagne and the opportunity to bypass the high street for the ultimate luxury shopping experience- even if you are there in M&S undies and John Lewis gloves!!
See you there, it’s going to be gorgeous.
Loads of love,